I’m running back to Your promises one more time.
Lord, that’s all I can hold on to.
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises You.
Before a heartache can ever touch my life,
It has to go through Your hands.
And even though I keep asking why,
No matter what, I’m gonna love You.
No matter what, I’m gonna need You.
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain,
But if not, if not, I’ll trust You no matter what, no matter what.
When I’m stuck in this nothingness by myself,
I’m just sitting in silence.
There’s no way I can make it without Your help, I won’t even try it.
I know You have Your reasons for everything, so I will keep believing.
Whatever I might be feeling, God You are my hope.
And You will be my strength.
Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s OK if You don’t.
I’m not here for those things.
The touch of Your love is enough on its own,
No matter what, I still love You and I’m gonna need You.
These lyrics to No Matter What by Kerrie Roberts is just what I needed to hear tonight. I feel like I'm going through a season in the desert right now. I can't stop thinking, and searching, and questioning... life. Everything. Where's the purpose? What's important? Where do I fit? What do You want? There's still healing in my life that God wants to give me victory over, I know that. And I've been dying inside, because I've been feeling so far from His joy.
This morning during one of my classes, we read Psalm 51. Verse 12 says, "Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." I remember thinking, "Ohhh, I want that so bad!" Tonight at worship practice, we had a time of prayer and worshiping together that was accompanied by some tears and honesty. During that time, I was reminded of how in Isaiah, God promises joy from our mourning, and makes beauty out of ashes. He was sharing with me: Casey, I'm restoring joy back to my people. And that means you. This time of searching and questioning is only for a season. It's going to be okay.
Through confusion and frustration, our God is the Giver of Peace, and isn't that the truth. I can feel it.
Tough times, tough questions shape us! I actually praise God that you are feeling this way, it means he is moving within you! He wants you to grow in understanding and love. You are searching for more!
ReplyDeleteI you telling me you lost your fire for the inner city, now that in itself is fine! But then instead of having a fire for the city... You seemed to me to have lost more...
I am glad your are seeking out God's will and purpose! He may take you some where you'd never imagined!
Keep seeking for your purpose! How will you glorify our Lord?
Casey!
ReplyDeleteGirl, the verses at the end of your blog are awesome. God is fully capable of accomplishing what He wants to accomplish in and through you. Keep looking to Him, and don't worry about "missing" it, because again He is fully capable of getting you where you need to be, and He WILL DO IT! Sunshine always comes after the rain!! Thats the truth. Through the trials, the Lord is growing you and producing things in and out of you. Keep your mindset and focus on Him, praising Him always and victory is yours my darling! Don't give in to any of the devil's schemes, but continually cling to your Father God. He holds the world in the palm of His hands, surely He is taking care of all your struggles, hurts, pains, and etc! He loves you so much! He saves the day! And He will save your day everytime!!
Much love from the DR! :) <3 jenna