Do Not Exit...

God's gift is not the EXIT but the EXPERIENCE.

The Little Things

Last day of classes. 
Decided to skip chapel.
Met a friend for morning Starbucks. 

As I rolled into good 'ole Bucks this fine chilly morning, I was greeted with, "We just made a peppermint white chocolate mocha by mistake... would you like it?" 

Ahh! Little did they know it's my favorite drink.

It truly is the little things. 

Strain

I'm trying to listen.
Feel the pause, the silence.
I know I need to listen.
Take a break
and Question.
Calm.
Captive.
The beat.
What are you saying?

Wait.
Be patient.

Please be gracious.

'Cuz Lover's Dance...

Do you hear that, love?
The room's hush, hush and now it's our moment.

Perhaps it's the best time.

11 days until finals week. 6 more days of classes. Piles and piles of papers and assignments, and all I want to do is write. I haven't had this desire to pour out my heart through words in years, and I'm not really sure I know what to make of it.

Perhaps my fuel to write comes from strong emotions; that seems to make sense.
And there's a lot of change that's affected my life this semester, with much more just right around the corner.

I feel dry.
I feel full.
I feel weak.
I need strength.
He is good.

Did I mention I have piles and piles of papers and assignments screaming for my attention, and rightfully so? In the midst of this among several other things, my heart and mind and body is being challenged to rest. Sabbath. To take a break. Smile. Breathe. Enjoy.

God, what are you doing? Teaching me about rest? Can't that wait just a few more weeks? This is not a good time! 

Write a poem. Learn a new song. Go for a bike ride. Lay on my back in complete silence and clear my mind. Read a book. An article that sparks my interest. Spin around outside under the moonlight. Grab a coffee with a friend. Go to bed early.  

Perhaps it's the best time.

Reminiscing - Value of Life

I've just been reminiscing. While reading through old journals and notes, I came across an old poem that I wrote during the summer right before my senior year of high school. Over four years ago. I am struck by the passion and life that my words are rooted in. And I am struck with God's goodness. Abba, thank You for keeping me, Your daughter. You are good. I don't want to live a reminiscent life, only pressing into past passions, but Lord, fan the flame within me. Would you take me new depths of Your love today? Would you teach me to serve Your beloved creations today? My desire is that my heart and soul and mind would submit to You. Thank you for the past four years of life you've given me. Such a treasure, and I'm sorry for the times I take it for granted. 

Here's the background to the poem: While I was at Lifest this past week, God really held me in His arms and pressed into me the value of life. The value within every breath. The value of lasting friendships and worthwhile relationships. I love the Lord, my God with all of who I am, and He has given me a burning passion for people. More specifically, for my generation of broken, hurting, seeking, desperate and confused people. There is way more hurt and pain in this world than there should be, more than most anyone could ever imagine.
Here, I wrote a poem displaying my yearning for some of these issues near and dear to my heart. Here it goes.

VALUE OF LIFE

Am I blind? Why can't I see
All the pain and fear surrounding me?

Daddy's gone, mama just said "bye",
She's on the corner wearing scraps, catching eyes.
Big bro's tagging houses, making enemies with his fists,
Little sis don't like who she is, makes marks on her wrists.

Am I blind? Why can't I see
All this pain and fear surrounding me?

Always stuck in the middle, feeling so alone,
Just can't escape this, no one answers their phone.
This fog keeps on only getting thicker,
Oh, how I wish I could only put my finger on that trigger.

Am I blind? Why can't I see
All this pain and fear surrounding me?

Always a disappointment, never doing anything right.
Parents filing for a divorce, all they do is fight.
The needles take me away from this, can't you see,
Along with the images on my computer screen.

Am I blind? Why can't I see
All this pain and fear surrounding me?

Not blind, I can finally see,
This disillusionment is not just on TV.
It's reality, a reason to love,
Until you take me in your hands,
Leading me to safety beyond your clouds above.

Next time you feel the lies pressing deeply within you,
Don't forget how your Father made you with value.
Your eyes hold a beauty beyond words, a yearning to be free,
So, lift up your hands, surrender to your knees.
With tears rolling down your face, cleansing your scars,
you look up to the stars,
confessing,
'Jesus is Lord. He died for me. I am Yours.'

For we were once blind, but now can see.
Thanks and praise to our Maker,
He died for you and He died for me.

Amen.