Trust. Yes. Wow. Two things I've been learning lately - trust and rest. Specifically, solitude. There are some things in my life at the moment that have come to an end. With leaving places and the trust thing -- It's like I hear Him saying to me: Casey, you've learned what I've had for you here in this place and community, and now it's time to take it with you over here.
One of my friends shared with me that she's: "In a place of growth, which is sometimes painful, but always good." -- SO TRUE. Well said.
Life's pace just keeps picking up. Where has the time gone - seriously? There are a couple things coming up that really excite me, and that I am anticipating much wresting and molding to accompany me through them. First, I actually moved in yesterday - I'm interning this summer at Nappanee Missionary Church through their internship program called SOAR. Official duties start tomorrow morning for 12 weeks. Following that and throughout next school year, I will be living in Keller Park (the UME through Bethel). I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but quite honestly, I'm not too concerned about it at the moment. Wise? Unwise? I've found this desire in me to be with our Abba. To rest and be molded through silence and solitude with Him. I want to learn and study and be discipled like crazy. I should probably become a nun. But in all seriousness, this is the season that I find myself in. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I serve a good God. What an adventure.
Tomorrow will be a big day. My flesh is fickle. My God gives me strength. G'night.
May 19, 2012
May 13, 2012
Deeper into Grace
I’ve been living for the past 11 days in a season of rest.
It’s been such a beautiful and refreshing thing, which has included much
reflecting and pondering about the past year of my life. What I’ve learned, how
I’ve been molded and shaped – for the better and for worst. Praising God for
the ups and downs, recognizing that the things I have learned and that have
been forever added to my person, could not have come in any other shape, form,
or timing.
As I think about it, and in a nutshell, this past year has
been FULL of incredibly stretching experiences. Just thinking about it causes
me to take a deep breath. So many things and people have pushed me in great
ways, and because of that, in several ways, I will never be the same. God has
been so full of grace in my life. God, thank you for being so gracious. And so
gentle and patient with me, although it didn’t always feel like it.
Inspired by Karleen Hallock, I want to highlight a few
memories from each month during my junior year at Bethel:
§
August:
o
I moved into Eby – my first house ever in
Indiana. Because of RA training, I was all by myself for a week, and night one
included no electricity with bright flashes of lightening and rumbling thunder.
‘Twas fun.
o
During move-in day, my roommates and I received a
last-minute addition to our house. A Russian roommate. Nelya J
o
Spelunking underneath Eby with the freshman
“cousin-boys”
§
September:
o
I learned that in California it is illegal to
have a pet fish, because their freedom is restricted by living in a tank.
o
The best communicator I’ve ever witnessed in my
life visited Bethel – Sy Rogers. He addresses topics concerning Sex and God,
and from his own experience, specifically Homosexuality. My favorite quote from
him is, “God would rather have you messy than not at all.”
o
Fall Break: Karleen and I road tripped out to
good ‘ole Grabill and hung out with the Smitley’s and some of my favorite
kiddos.
o
Was really stretched through the book Boundaries
by Cloud and Townsend with my Growth Group at Epic.
§
October:
o
Read through the book Courageous Leadership by
Bill Hybels with Karleen.
o
Had lunch dates with Carol Laidig discussing
Revelation.
o
Supported my Grabill guys at the Leo Homecoming
Football game with CourtChap. And drank the most amazing hot chocolate courtesy
of Cathy Merz J
o
Tasted the best white chicken chili I’ve ever
had in my life. Thanks Patricia!
§
November:
o
I got my first car. Keeping it classy with a ’93
toyota camry.
o
Was TOTALLY caught off guard when asked for my
number by a pizza man while visiting Lisa in Huntington. It’s a fun story, ask
me about it sometime.
o
Visited with my cousin Ryan for the first time
at Panera in up-state New York while traveling with Sara and Jimi over
Thanksgiving break.
§
December:
o
Really challenged by a few thoughts regarding
integrity:
§
Acts 4?
§
You must care more about your friends than you
do your relationship with them.
§
Oswald Chambers once shared the example: A woman
propositioned him, asking for $100. He replied, what about $1. She said, “What
kind of a woman do you think I am?” He said, “We’ve already established what
type of a woman you are; now we’re just talking price.”
§
Went to the best and first Russian party of my
life J Thank
you, Nelya!
o
January
§
Spent 5 hours in a car with Matt, having an
incredibly challenging conversation that pushed me in so many ways. Because of
my time spent with Matt, I was much more driven and passionate throughout my
Christian Apologetics class. It also pushed me into some frustration which
drove me to pursue meeting with one of my professors to raise up a small group
of females on Bethel’s campus who desire to grow intellectually in the areas of
apologetics and evangelism. Chad Mesiter is incredible, to say the least. Highlight
of my semester for sure!
§
Met Tyler and Talia Andrews from Luke 18 and
Acts Church partnered with IHOP in KC, which exploded into such rich times of
prayer and worship – uniting Bethel with the surrounding campuses of Notre
Dame, IUSB and St. Mary’s.
§
The start of 12 weeks of Financial Peace…
o
February:
§
Started going on Treasure Hunts… ask me about
it!
§
The movie Courageous came out – and I’m pretty
sure I blew through a minimum of five boxes of tissue (no pun intended…).
§
ConVerge year two. I was a “Genius” but
unfortunately not the greatest genius when it came to working the iPad.
§
Spring Break: road trip to northern CALI J Not to mention ate
grilled elk steak and went swing dancing in Wyoming. This is a whole blog-post
in and of itself.
o
March:
§
Desperation Band came to Bethel to host a night
of intercession for our campus and community, as well as encouragement towards
and personal testimonies regarding pursuing the face of Jesus.
§
JP Mooreland came to campus – huge for our
philosophy department!
§
Dr. Linhart treated Court and me to Fiddler’s
Heart in South Bend. One of my new favorites J
o
April:
§
Sent out Darrin’s package!!! HUGE prayers
attached. Ask me about this if you want some encouragement.
§
Turned 21 J
§
Went Irish Dancing with Court and Steph in
Milwaukee over Easter Break!
§
Keller Park worship nights started with Cam
McDaniel and CJ Hock – uniting the local college campuses. So exciting! And in
my future home community.
§
Hung out with Denise McKinney at the South Bend
Chocolate Café.
§
Worked at ChickaFlicka for a day ;)
§
Went to a monastery and chatted with some monks
for a day. Learned that “A monk is like
a pious housewife,” according to GuestMaster William.
§
MANY late nights during the last two weeks of
the semester. Survived basically out of three things: many prayers, the OLDIFY
app, and two side-kicks.
Right now I find myself in a season of ends. Epic church,
community and worship involvement. RA-ing. Spiritual Life Director. Student
Council. Student Development Committee. Choir. Living on-campus. Throughout my
life, I’ve seen change as a way of God reminding me, “Casey, do not put your
trust and dependency in these people, things or organizations.” Also, there are
many good things and opportunities in the world. Sometimes you just need to say
“no” to another good thing. Specifically with saying my goodbyes at Epic a few
weeks ago, I was impressed with God saying to me, “You’ve learned what I’ve had
for you here, and now it’s time for you to take that somewhere else.” I could barely
hold myself together during the second worship set that I was especially
thankful and honored to be a part of during my last Sunday, worshipping, “God,
you give and you take away. Lord, blessed be Your name.” I know one thing for
sure, I would not be who I am today side from the Epic community and the
relationships that God so specifically set up for me there. Thankful just doesn’t
seem to express it.
If you made it to the end of this post, congrats!!! I knew
it was going to be a long one. And I really do hope to keep up with blogging
throughout this summer interning at Nappanee Missionary Church. If you would,
keep me in your prayers. I need them greatly. And I always welcome a message or
email too – I’d love to hear from you and know how I can be praying
specifically for the people in my life.
I will leave you with a thought. In a collection of Brother
Lawrence’s writings, Practicing God’s Presence,
it says…
It should be no surprise when we go through trouble,
temptation, opposition, and denials from other people. Though it seems upside
down, we should submit to that kind of grief, taking it on for our own good as
long as God pleases. The higher and
deeper we want to go with the LORD, the more we’ll need to depend on His grace.
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