Sacrifices as Situations of Protection

Well, hello there. Here goes my attempt at making sense of all the many thoughts racing through my mind. Bear with me; it may not be the most smooth thing ever. 

Writing this blog post, I sit on a couch in my new living room. It's rather comfy, too, I might add. New living room, you might say? Why, yes. Let me give you a mini life update, as it's been ages since I've written on here. Starting a little over 13 weeks ago, I participated in a summer internship down in Nappanee, Indiana. There were eight total interns (myself included), and my area of focus was Student Ministries. If you're interested, you can check out a video of all the interns' closing insights and remarks. Click here -- this was shown at our final luncheon. Okay, back to this comfy couch. 11 days ago I loaded up my car down in good 'ole Amish-land, and headed up to South Bend. For the duration of this next school year (my SENIOR year!), I am living in an under-resourced and diverse community in a house with three other Bethel girls. Together (with a guy house as well), we will be plugged into various areas within the neighborhood (church, youth group, mentoring, tutoring, getting to know and investing into neighbors, etc.). All that said, I've just been "on vacation" so-to-speak for the past 10 days, and hopefully for a few more days before school starts. And let me tell you I've had a ton of time to just rest, be with friends, get to know new people, learn some new boundaries, have awesome, exhilarating conversations, AND read a ton. 

There is a lot on my mind. Where to start?

It's been a common theme in my life that God often does a work in my heart during times of transition. 

I went to Epic the other day, and the second I stepped foot into that place the waterworks just exploded from my face. It was unbelievable, and during the musical worship set after Jeremy's message I went into the prayer room and had Katie Weakland pray with me -- I was seriously a basket-case. God really is doing a work on me and in me. It's not the most comfortable, but I know He's drawing me closer to Him and chiseling away. Over the summer, my supervisor Derry shared with me an image he saw when he was praying for me one day. It was an open field with a bunch of pillars standing in it. The pillars represented things in my life that I've built up on my own. And he saw them being knocked down. Responding to that, another man shared, "Don't be discouraged during the deconstruction; it's something that has to happen, so that you can be constructed well." That seriously hit me so hard, and I can definitely feel it. 

I've been wrestling with a lot of fear linked to my new living arrangements for the year. Ranging all the way from fear of friendships not being the same to fear of my car breaking down somewhere unfamiliar to financial fear. Fear, fear, fear. It's exhausting to say the least. In talking with others about my decision to live here, often the element of sacrifice comes up, and it's just unsettling to me. At first glance, it makes sense. Sure, you could say that I'm sacrificing convenience and comfort, and perhaps a few other things as well, and boy, that sure makes me holy! Why is it that some people's "sacrifices" seem more holy than others, while they are being equally as obedient to Christ in their specific season in life? Let me offer a new perspective that someone challenged me with the other day.

I had the privilege of talking with a friend from California the other day, and it was incredibly encouraging and challenging. She gave me a strong word, not to be taken as punishment or condemnation, but as protection. Often times there are things in our lives that we might think we're "sacrificing." Anything come to mind for you? I was challenged to think of these sacrifices as situations of God's protection, instead (less emphasis on myself, perhaps). We think we're sacrificing something, because it may not be our preference or it may be uncomfortable, and we feel like we're entitled to something else, more comfortable, perhaps "better." And since we don't get what we feel we're owed or are entitled to, then "Oh, this is a huge sacrifice!" How easily our feeling of "this is my sacrifice" can come from a root of entitlement. Make sense? REALLY interesting and SO true. As Americans, yes. Definitely as Christians. I see it in me. And we're the ones who are supposed to be taking (choosing with joy) the lower seat. The ones serving and bowing down. It's such a basic and powerful leadership tool, aspect, principle, etc. The higher we go up, the lower we must go. And choose it. With joy. I am  so thankful that she didn't just sink down to ignoring the truth and tell me what I would rather hear, instead she chose to sharpen. 

Making it more personal in my life, I know that I need to see these perceived sacrifices (of me living in a new community), as God's protection. Specifically, of Him protecting me from complacency and comfort and placing my identity and value in other people and my close friendships, instead of being utterly dependent upon Him. 

I came across a question the other day as I was going through some old notes, and it just stopped me in my tracks. I'm still meditating on it. May it challenge you as well -- How far will you let me go in my extravagant obedience?

Now, before I go, let me leave you with some additional thoughts. They don't necessarily relate at all to what I just shared, or they might. They're mostly just things that I've encountered or have been pondering during the last few days. If you'd like to start a dialogue, I welcome your thoughts :)

"Tenderizing in my spirit happens through fasting. We do not fast to motivate God to love us, but to receive the affection that He already has for us – it is not to move His heart, but ours."

"He created us to enjoy physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual pleasures. Devil counterfeits each one. We were created to crave it. Just repent of pursuing it in the wrong way. Psalm. 16:11 (NIV) says, 'You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.'"

"Diligence is 'the constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken with persistent exertion.' Diligence includes zeal to invest our energy and time in serving, taking risks, and developing our God-given skills. It is important to serve with diligence and with a happy spirit. The mark of a good leader is humility and godly character, even more than skill. Proverbs 12:24; 27 (NLT) says, 'Work hard and become a leader (diligent hands will rule - NIV); be lazy and become a slave ... Lazy people don’t even cook the game they catch, but the diligent make use of everything they find.'"

"Whatever you focus your mind on, you open your spirit to."

"We seem to harbor near complete suspicion of the power and allure of the opposite sex. Others could be a danger to our purity, so we treat all interaction between men and women with suspicion, including what otherwise would be healthy gender-affirming touch. Men and women alike wither without the frequent pure embrace of a brother or sister in Christ. Of course, some caution is warranted, as we have too often used the women in our lives, particularly through the lustful gaze. Yet, is there really no hope for the redemption of healthy relationships between the sexes?"

"Beware of well meaning intentions that water down the power of the narrow way. They talk out and try to question: why so intense? Why this much? The narrow gate is difficult and confined, but it leads to life. How low can you go?"

"Do your best to not try so hard to figure out what He's doing in you & how you feel about it ... instead, throw yourself into worshiping & loving & LIVING day by day, and allow Him to take care of the rest."