Something from my heart, today.
a little here, a little there
a tease
a grin
inside joke
flutters within
a hope
a quest
a trail left
once lit
the candle dimmed
then she wept
desire still tugs
to blow on that flame
despite the message
unspoken
in the whisper of my name
once real
once good
now has past
oh, that this heart
may move
may last
January 22, 2017
December 29, 2016
STABLEization
Stability is reliability & strength; strength to stand or endure.
By definition, if something stabilizes, it becomes fixed or stops changing; not likely to change or fail. In other words, firmly established.
A stable [however] is a building in which livestock, especially horses, are kept.
What am I getting at? More than just wordplay, I promise -- though it wouldn't be too shocking to some if I just left it there. ;)
Naturally, with the wrap-up of yet another calendar year comes the all-too-expected summary. Of thoughts, of moments, of triumphs & tears. In more ways than one - practically, professionally, & personally, 2016 = stabilization.
Without the nitty gritty behind why said word holds such meaning [I like coffee -- put a cup in my hand and I'll likely share with a smile], reminiscent flashbacks brought me to an experience I held first hand just months ago while in Israel. I remember the momentary transition from such a comfortable, air-conditioned bus [emphasis on the "air-conditioned"], to a less-than-comfortable 120degree desert. A brief hike into a rocky field where twenty-nine of us crammed into a pitch-black hole in the ground. It wasn't a cave, and it wasn't home to wildlife. We sat & we received the reality of which said hole in the ground was a stable. Very likely, an image of where baby Jesus was born. Absolutely nothing like a nice, spacious, organized barn that existed in my Westernized mindset. Dirt everywhere. Bugs & critter-crawlers.
I think of what such humble beginnings looked like for the foundation of my life, my faith, my hope. On earth, in the flesh, in a stable.
My stability began in a stable.
And again, by the truest meaning of stability - firm establishment -- He does not change. I am grounded & fixed in His goodness, His great love for me, His truth & what He has to say.
Colossians 2:6-7
Therefore, just as you have received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, established in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Ephesians 3:17-19
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
2 Peter 1:5-9 The Message
[talks about being firmly established in truth]
So don’t lose a minute in building on what you’ve been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can’t see what’s right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.
And if you've made it this far, I leave you with this -- seemed fitting ;)
By definition, if something stabilizes, it becomes fixed or stops changing; not likely to change or fail. In other words, firmly established.
A stable [however] is a building in which livestock, especially horses, are kept.
What am I getting at? More than just wordplay, I promise -- though it wouldn't be too shocking to some if I just left it there. ;)
Naturally, with the wrap-up of yet another calendar year comes the all-too-expected summary. Of thoughts, of moments, of triumphs & tears. In more ways than one - practically, professionally, & personally, 2016 = stabilization.
Without the nitty gritty behind why said word holds such meaning [I like coffee -- put a cup in my hand and I'll likely share with a smile], reminiscent flashbacks brought me to an experience I held first hand just months ago while in Israel. I remember the momentary transition from such a comfortable, air-conditioned bus [emphasis on the "air-conditioned"], to a less-than-comfortable 120degree desert. A brief hike into a rocky field where twenty-nine of us crammed into a pitch-black hole in the ground. It wasn't a cave, and it wasn't home to wildlife. We sat & we received the reality of which said hole in the ground was a stable. Very likely, an image of where baby Jesus was born. Absolutely nothing like a nice, spacious, organized barn that existed in my Westernized mindset. Dirt everywhere. Bugs & critter-crawlers.
I think of what such humble beginnings looked like for the foundation of my life, my faith, my hope. On earth, in the flesh, in a stable.
My stability began in a stable.
And again, by the truest meaning of stability - firm establishment -- He does not change. I am grounded & fixed in His goodness, His great love for me, His truth & what He has to say.
Colossians 2:6-7
Therefore, just as you have received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, established in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Ephesians 3:17-19
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
2 Peter 1:5-9 The Message
[talks about being firmly established in truth]
So don’t lose a minute in building on what you’ve been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others. With these qualities active and growing in your lives, no grass will grow under your feet, no day will pass without its reward as you mature in your experience of our Master Jesus. Without these qualities you can’t see what’s right before you, oblivious that your old sinful life has been wiped off the books.
And if you've made it this far, I leave you with this -- seemed fitting ;)
October 9, 2016
Thief
I was caught off guard the other day.
At work this past week I made some "light-hearted," insecure comment about my appearance. Didn't think much about it; just spoke, thoughtlessly. Overheard by a patient, before I even knew it he walked up to me and said, "You know how the Bible teaches us to 'Judge not?' ... Well, that includes ourselves." And something else along the lines of -- "You were created by God, and he creates perfection. You are a masterpiece. Not to be judged." [brain unfortunately forgot verbatim.]
***ahem, mind blown***
Let's just say I felt the power on that one.
I've also been learning about fear. How fear has been welcomed into our society and into our thought-lives as a friend, but over time turns into a thief. Each acceptance (whether cognitive or not) of fear down right robs my soul & spirit of freedom. And it doesn't take a whole lot to eventually become consumed - overtaken.
Currently reading The Motivation Manifesto by Brendon Burchard & learning that fear manifests itself primarily in two genres. The socially oppressed & the self-oppressed.
I was immediately brought back to the moment of being caught off guard at work as I read the following regarding fear manifested through self-oppression.
It is a mental construct that we alone fuel with small thoughts that betray our magnitude. It is the first realization of the mindful human: Unless we are being chased by a deadly animal or deranged human, or face imminent physical harm like falling to our death, fear is just bad management of our mind.
Fear is the thief of humanity's light.
It often becomes a by-all-means-necessary approach to controlling any given situation so that the body - but most often the ego - can feel safe and unchallenged. Fear was given to us as a motive to avoid physical harm and death. That is it. We are the ones who have perverted it into a tool for the ego's protection. Almost all the fear we experience today has nothing to do with physical threat. We have taken this impulse for safety and bastardized it into ego-driven desires to feel more emotionally comfortable. We've hacked its short-term nature into a long-term tool to avoid difficult circumstances in order to satiate our base desires for approval. Fear has become a crutch for emotional weakness. And as with all crutches, we shall fall slave to its use unless we once more condition our strength. Most people do not like to discuss fear because it inevitably exposes the ugly truth that we are more often fleeing from ourselves than actual danger.
With all of this floating its way through my brain, I also came across an Instagram post:
"Building your theology around your disappointment is dangerous. The nature of God does not change just because your circumstances often do."
Followed by the commentary from Papa Bill Johnson saying, Anything and everything that seems without hope is under the influence of a lie. "We've got to keep our eyes on what the word says about who we are and who He is always. We cannot see clearly when hurt, disappointment, and bitterness is in the way. It's impossible to see clearly who we are and who He is without off loading these things at His feet first."
So yes. So much yes. So much this-is-a-beautifull-messy-life. Good thing we get to receive it in doses. One day at a time.
Back to the book:
We must not worry about what could go wrong but rather wonder about what magnificence could enter our lives when we are consistently expressing our genuine selves and pursuing our true passions.
Let us obsess about freedom, not fear.
Freedom from death. Freedom in Christ. [give Galatians a read]
This is good news. My Jesus. My obsession.
In other news, Gregory Alan Isokov has a delightful album titled: Songs for October. Seems fitting. Thank me later;)
At work this past week I made some "light-hearted," insecure comment about my appearance. Didn't think much about it; just spoke, thoughtlessly. Overheard by a patient, before I even knew it he walked up to me and said, "You know how the Bible teaches us to 'Judge not?' ... Well, that includes ourselves." And something else along the lines of -- "You were created by God, and he creates perfection. You are a masterpiece. Not to be judged." [brain unfortunately forgot verbatim.]
***ahem, mind blown***
Let's just say I felt the power on that one.
I've also been learning about fear. How fear has been welcomed into our society and into our thought-lives as a friend, but over time turns into a thief. Each acceptance (whether cognitive or not) of fear down right robs my soul & spirit of freedom. And it doesn't take a whole lot to eventually become consumed - overtaken.
Currently reading The Motivation Manifesto by Brendon Burchard & learning that fear manifests itself primarily in two genres. The socially oppressed & the self-oppressed.
I was immediately brought back to the moment of being caught off guard at work as I read the following regarding fear manifested through self-oppression.
It is a mental construct that we alone fuel with small thoughts that betray our magnitude. It is the first realization of the mindful human: Unless we are being chased by a deadly animal or deranged human, or face imminent physical harm like falling to our death, fear is just bad management of our mind.
Fear is the thief of humanity's light.
It often becomes a by-all-means-necessary approach to controlling any given situation so that the body - but most often the ego - can feel safe and unchallenged. Fear was given to us as a motive to avoid physical harm and death. That is it. We are the ones who have perverted it into a tool for the ego's protection. Almost all the fear we experience today has nothing to do with physical threat. We have taken this impulse for safety and bastardized it into ego-driven desires to feel more emotionally comfortable. We've hacked its short-term nature into a long-term tool to avoid difficult circumstances in order to satiate our base desires for approval. Fear has become a crutch for emotional weakness. And as with all crutches, we shall fall slave to its use unless we once more condition our strength. Most people do not like to discuss fear because it inevitably exposes the ugly truth that we are more often fleeing from ourselves than actual danger.
With all of this floating its way through my brain, I also came across an Instagram post:
"Building your theology around your disappointment is dangerous. The nature of God does not change just because your circumstances often do."
Followed by the commentary from Papa Bill Johnson saying, Anything and everything that seems without hope is under the influence of a lie. "We've got to keep our eyes on what the word says about who we are and who He is always. We cannot see clearly when hurt, disappointment, and bitterness is in the way. It's impossible to see clearly who we are and who He is without off loading these things at His feet first."
So yes. So much yes. So much this-is-a-beautifull-messy-life. Good thing we get to receive it in doses. One day at a time.
Back to the book:
We must not worry about what could go wrong but rather wonder about what magnificence could enter our lives when we are consistently expressing our genuine selves and pursuing our true passions.
Let us obsess about freedom, not fear.
Freedom from death. Freedom in Christ. [give Galatians a read]
This is good news. My Jesus. My obsession.
In other news, Gregory Alan Isokov has a delightful album titled: Songs for October. Seems fitting. Thank me later;)
August 5, 2016
Today, today. Tomorrow, tomorrow.
There's been a lot. Like, a whole lotta lot.
And I hardly even know where to begin.
Two years.
Two August's ago.
So, like now.
Life was looking pretty nomadic for this gal, and I was the furthest from mad about it. Prided on surviving for months on bananas, potatoes and eggs, and having avoided a consistent and comfortable mattress to sleep on for seven years -- sleeping bags, cots, air mattresses and foam pads seemed to be doing the trick.
Midwestern girl hadn't taken too long to adjust to the Cali culture (NorCal to be clear), and content I thought I twas. Until the end of my first year, and then I began to dialogue with Jesus about my next steps. I had finally "made it" so surely I wasn't going to be going anywhere. Opportunites looked bright and so did my tan.
Sparing details, my options became to either remain in Redding or return to square one, so to speak. Wisconsin. As much as everything in me seemed to fight it, I knew I had a choice & without any reason that I could muster up, I knew that my heart was turning toward family for the first time ever in my life. The biological kind, where you literally share blood & they still feed you food after blowing up at them the day before. I recognized within me a desire to be near... family. And that meant Wisconsin. So off I went.
As much as I knew it was my choice & that I made it confidently, that didn't mean that I didn't fight it incessantly for the first 12 months.
And at the first seven signs of resistance, I tried to run. A plane ticket to Seattle was purchased, paired with a complete job application.
Upon immediate return, Wisconsin taught me that I wasn't above sweeping and mopping floors.
Then I fell in love with the snobbiest of coffee cultures & found a new hobby of underground latte art competetitions. Even won a trophy at said Christmas staff party.
Also dabbled in a profession where I was cussed out every other sentence for about a year working for a juvenile correctional facility. That was fun. But I learned an absolute ton about life & had my eyes opened in more new ways than I could count.
No regrets. Lots of searching, striving, unsettled nights & tears in the process, however.
Even just a couple months ago I was making strides toward moving into the north side of Milwaukee. Having been part of the Garden City community for going on two years now & with a heart for the city, that meant a move was in order. Location can be everything. At one time I even had three living options that were all open doors to me & I was moving forward with one specifically in an underresourced neighborhood. And then bam. Door closed. Needless to say there's been a bit of wrestling through that.
Something new, yet not so new has been surfacing.
I'm recognizing a release within my heart. Oddly enough for the first time ever in my life I'm genuinely content with where I am, and I'm not looking to leave. I believe God is granting me a renewed love for the Lake Country region, with all of its lovely imperfections - which were a majority of the reasons I left in the first place. Doesn't that sound just about right? The idea that where you live is where you minister/where you minister is where you live has been a value of mine for years, so with that I'm asking Jesus to reveal how he is at work and moving within the church communities in my own backyard. It's an exciting journey.
Community & purpose is also looking a whole lot different than what I could have ever imagined two years ago. Last December I began working for a couple, actually from Garden City. And this possibly, has been the most significant game changer. Words cannot express how absolutely honored I am to have Dr. Matt & Jen Frahm in my life, and the incredible honor of mine it is to serve them & serve alongside them and the overall mission of Max Health. I actually cried on the way home from my review the other day because of how incredibly valued they made me feel. Practically and very tangibly, yes, but also you know how incredibly (how many times can I say incredibly in the same thought!?) powerful and moving it is when you have someone in your life (within close proximity on a daily basis) who believes in you, and who tells you that? Yeah, that happened.
All things considered, been feeling emotional lately. Because many things. I'm Casey & I cry at commercials. But also & mostly I've been super blown away at recognizing God's great faithfulness to me, even in ways I don't understand or expect. Been feeling very valued, honored & known lately, which wrecks me when I think about it too hard.
So now. Three living arrangments later and on the fifth job I find myself... in no rush; in no search.
Convinced more than ever that the ever-lasting & never-ending pursuit of answers & ultimate clarification isn't just not the point, it kinda pretty much entirely misses the whole thing.
It's not, Where am I going? For what? And who's there?
Rather I'm learning to entertain --
What does it mean for me to be fully present right where I find myself? Today, today. And tomorrow, tomorrow.
And how do I give myself full permission to fully be me, right now? Today, today. And tomorrow, tomorrow.
And how can I even begin to know where I'm headed if I'm unable to even know where I am?
Destination arrival isn't the enemy, but it isn't the goal, either.
Pressure's off.
Life is better this way.
I'm reading this book called the Naked Now by Richard Rohr.
& it's blowing my mind.
I will leave with this,
True spirituality is not a search for perfection or control or the door to the next world; it is a search for divine union NOW. The great discovery is always that what we are searching for has already been given! I did not find it; it found me.
Oh, and I may have also roamed around Israel & Jordan for 17 days in June. Hiked 150 miles & completely wrecked my biblical paradigm in just two weeks. Ask me about that some other time.
:)
And I hardly even know where to begin.
Two years.
Two August's ago.
So, like now.
Life was looking pretty nomadic for this gal, and I was the furthest from mad about it. Prided on surviving for months on bananas, potatoes and eggs, and having avoided a consistent and comfortable mattress to sleep on for seven years -- sleeping bags, cots, air mattresses and foam pads seemed to be doing the trick.
Midwestern girl hadn't taken too long to adjust to the Cali culture (NorCal to be clear), and content I thought I twas. Until the end of my first year, and then I began to dialogue with Jesus about my next steps. I had finally "made it" so surely I wasn't going to be going anywhere. Opportunites looked bright and so did my tan.
Sparing details, my options became to either remain in Redding or return to square one, so to speak. Wisconsin. As much as everything in me seemed to fight it, I knew I had a choice & without any reason that I could muster up, I knew that my heart was turning toward family for the first time ever in my life. The biological kind, where you literally share blood & they still feed you food after blowing up at them the day before. I recognized within me a desire to be near... family. And that meant Wisconsin. So off I went.
As much as I knew it was my choice & that I made it confidently, that didn't mean that I didn't fight it incessantly for the first 12 months.
And at the first seven signs of resistance, I tried to run. A plane ticket to Seattle was purchased, paired with a complete job application.
Upon immediate return, Wisconsin taught me that I wasn't above sweeping and mopping floors.
Then I fell in love with the snobbiest of coffee cultures & found a new hobby of underground latte art competetitions. Even won a trophy at said Christmas staff party.
Also dabbled in a profession where I was cussed out every other sentence for about a year working for a juvenile correctional facility. That was fun. But I learned an absolute ton about life & had my eyes opened in more new ways than I could count.
No regrets. Lots of searching, striving, unsettled nights & tears in the process, however.
Even just a couple months ago I was making strides toward moving into the north side of Milwaukee. Having been part of the Garden City community for going on two years now & with a heart for the city, that meant a move was in order. Location can be everything. At one time I even had three living options that were all open doors to me & I was moving forward with one specifically in an underresourced neighborhood. And then bam. Door closed. Needless to say there's been a bit of wrestling through that.
Something new, yet not so new has been surfacing.
I'm recognizing a release within my heart. Oddly enough for the first time ever in my life I'm genuinely content with where I am, and I'm not looking to leave. I believe God is granting me a renewed love for the Lake Country region, with all of its lovely imperfections - which were a majority of the reasons I left in the first place. Doesn't that sound just about right? The idea that where you live is where you minister/where you minister is where you live has been a value of mine for years, so with that I'm asking Jesus to reveal how he is at work and moving within the church communities in my own backyard. It's an exciting journey.
Community & purpose is also looking a whole lot different than what I could have ever imagined two years ago. Last December I began working for a couple, actually from Garden City. And this possibly, has been the most significant game changer. Words cannot express how absolutely honored I am to have Dr. Matt & Jen Frahm in my life, and the incredible honor of mine it is to serve them & serve alongside them and the overall mission of Max Health. I actually cried on the way home from my review the other day because of how incredibly valued they made me feel. Practically and very tangibly, yes, but also you know how incredibly (how many times can I say incredibly in the same thought!?) powerful and moving it is when you have someone in your life (within close proximity on a daily basis) who believes in you, and who tells you that? Yeah, that happened.
All things considered, been feeling emotional lately. Because many things. I'm Casey & I cry at commercials. But also & mostly I've been super blown away at recognizing God's great faithfulness to me, even in ways I don't understand or expect. Been feeling very valued, honored & known lately, which wrecks me when I think about it too hard.
So now. Three living arrangments later and on the fifth job I find myself... in no rush; in no search.
Convinced more than ever that the ever-lasting & never-ending pursuit of answers & ultimate clarification isn't just not the point, it kinda pretty much entirely misses the whole thing.
It's not, Where am I going? For what? And who's there?
Rather I'm learning to entertain --
What does it mean for me to be fully present right where I find myself? Today, today. And tomorrow, tomorrow.
And how do I give myself full permission to fully be me, right now? Today, today. And tomorrow, tomorrow.
And how can I even begin to know where I'm headed if I'm unable to even know where I am?
Destination arrival isn't the enemy, but it isn't the goal, either.
Pressure's off.
Life is better this way.
I'm reading this book called the Naked Now by Richard Rohr.
& it's blowing my mind.
I will leave with this,
True spirituality is not a search for perfection or control or the door to the next world; it is a search for divine union NOW. The great discovery is always that what we are searching for has already been given! I did not find it; it found me.
Oh, and I may have also roamed around Israel & Jordan for 17 days in June. Hiked 150 miles & completely wrecked my biblical paradigm in just two weeks. Ask me about that some other time.
:)
July 25, 2016
One of My Favorites!
HAPPY Monday.
Felt like I was slightly struck by a sledgehammer when I woke, but hey. Ending on a note of hot peppermint tea & introspective words. And nope, it's not the middle of a blizzard despite my Monday evening choices (note: wearing tunic-like sweater & soup for dinner). Just living the midwestern dream; mid 80s & liquid air aka humidity #onpoint.
Woke up several mornings ago thinking about all the festivities that came with such a festive weekend (Fourth of July is one of my favorites!) and my eyes went straight to this verse I have on my wall -
"For you were called to freedom; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." |Galatians 5:13
I just became overwhelmed (in a really good way!) of how great it is, an incredible gift (& very costly), to be truly free. Like beyond a national celebration of independence. Talking about our hearts, our souls. The goods news about Jesus is that he takes the pressure off, makes it possible to find true life & to be free, no longer a slave... to many things (self, society, etc.). And then there's the idea of what we receive, we also give. So we get to walk this thing out & speak life into others & join Jesus in calling our family & friends & neighbors & strangers into that same freedom.
Sometimes I have thoughts. And I realize that there are many many more layers to most of these thoughts. But I like to share them, nonetheless - with or without the layers. So thanks for listening to my thoughts.
Felt like I was slightly struck by a sledgehammer when I woke, but hey. Ending on a note of hot peppermint tea & introspective words. And nope, it's not the middle of a blizzard despite my Monday evening choices (note: wearing tunic-like sweater & soup for dinner). Just living the midwestern dream; mid 80s & liquid air aka humidity #onpoint.
Woke up several mornings ago thinking about all the festivities that came with such a festive weekend (Fourth of July is one of my favorites!) and my eyes went straight to this verse I have on my wall -
"For you were called to freedom; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." |Galatians 5:13
I just became overwhelmed (in a really good way!) of how great it is, an incredible gift (& very costly), to be truly free. Like beyond a national celebration of independence. Talking about our hearts, our souls. The goods news about Jesus is that he takes the pressure off, makes it possible to find true life & to be free, no longer a slave... to many things (self, society, etc.). And then there's the idea of what we receive, we also give. So we get to walk this thing out & speak life into others & join Jesus in calling our family & friends & neighbors & strangers into that same freedom.
Sometimes I have thoughts. And I realize that there are many many more layers to most of these thoughts. But I like to share them, nonetheless - with or without the layers. So thanks for listening to my thoughts.
May 29, 2016
I'm Sharing.
Before I delve into the current status of my thought life, let me first begin by saying HOLY BUCKETS! Seriously can't believe it's been almost 15 months since I've written anything on here. Well, here goes nothing. Or something.
Someone asked me the other day, "What do you want to do? Like above everything else, what is that thing that you want most? With your life?"
Often a pretty trite question, with a pretty trite response. And believe me, been there done that.
Something new popped up, though, this time.
"I want to share my life."
(why) (why not)
(what does this mean)
(what does this look like)
(what's the motive, the goal)
(where's my heart in this)
Let me see if I can articulate.
In my brain, sharing is the opposite of self-serving; self-preservation.
To share means to reveal; no room for hiding.
Intentional non-isolation. (though, gotta love those hermit ways)
Life is so much more than something to own, to manipulate, or even master in the best of ways.
Perhaps there's an ounce of fear, a strive against the ever-haunting-"lonely"
But, to share...
It implies there's someone on the receiving end.
Someone on the other line.
Someone with whom I'm known; I'm received.
And! There's someone TO know. Someone TO receive.
This is life.
And for me,
I'm sharing.
Someone asked me the other day, "What do you want to do? Like above everything else, what is that thing that you want most? With your life?"
Often a pretty trite question, with a pretty trite response. And believe me, been there done that.
Something new popped up, though, this time.
"I want to share my life."
(why) (why not)
(what does this mean)
(what does this look like)
(what's the motive, the goal)
(where's my heart in this)
Let me see if I can articulate.
In my brain, sharing is the opposite of self-serving; self-preservation.
To share means to reveal; no room for hiding.
Intentional non-isolation. (though, gotta love those hermit ways)
Life is so much more than something to own, to manipulate, or even master in the best of ways.
Perhaps there's an ounce of fear, a strive against the ever-haunting-"lonely"
But, to share...
It implies there's someone on the receiving end.
Someone on the other line.
Someone with whom I'm known; I'm received.
And! There's someone TO know. Someone TO receive.
This is life.
And for me,
I'm sharing.
March 13, 2015
Update || I've Seen Too Much
California. Nevada, Utah, Colorado. Pre-summer voyage.
Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, Utah. Summer job-life.
Colorado, Nebraska, South Dakota, Minnesota. Post-summer travel.
August 10th came around and so did my first steps back onto Wisconsin land, in months. Much land and many days had occurred since the last time I had realistically and semi-literally (is that a thing?) embraced my geographical roots.
Full swing became my thing almost instantaneously; work, sleep, eat, and repeat. I honestly thought that since I grew up in the area, I knew all of what it had to offer (narrow-minded perhaps?), and allowed some pretty real cynicism to dwell because of it. Hopelessness often reveals the belief of a lie somewhere in the picture, so I began to just ask the Lord about it, and invite Him into my new-esque process of readjusting to oh too familiar Midwest life.
Ever heard of Jason Upton? Not random, I promise.
He's a pretty well known worship leader who travels internationally and talks about God's presence being real, etc. Anyways, Jesus loves Instagram. Just follow, just follow. Me. On Instagram. Just kidding - this post, follow along, folks. I was perusing the all-to-time-consuming social media photo app and came across a shot from a weekend in Redding, CA (my former stomping ground) that had Jason tagged in it. I thought, "Man, that name rings a bell... Wait!" Memories came of my high school years where I would listen to ONE of his songs; I only knew one, but it was enough to ring a bell. Sparing the nitty gritty details, I came to learn about the Upton family's residence in my backyard (figuratively speaking, of course), and in the least-shocking way to those who personally know me, did not hesitate one bit to reach out to perfect strangers. For the past almost 5 months now, they've become like a second family; extending love and support and an invitation to embrace authentic community. This has looked like an emerging "church" gathering in the greater Milwaukee area, with several of their friends who've moved to the area from all over the country, because of a simple vision of Jesus in the city and a desire to partner with what He's already doing. In stepping out and connecting with a perfect stranger, my hearts cry was responded to with utter extravagance and still is abundantly more than I had even thought was possible! Sounds about right.
Around that same time I met up with an old mentor of mine, which led to a phone call to a couple and a basic inquiry to rent some living space from them. Having spent 29 years living and working in Saudi Arabia for the oil industry, and now "grandparent-aged," they've had a home to themselves for years. I called and asked about renting their basement space, and their response was "No, we actually don't rent anything around here, but you're more than welcome to come live with us. Just let us know how long you're thinking, though it makes no difference to us!" What. Can this be real life? So, yep, free housing. Thank you, Daddy! Better than I could have imagined! And little things in abundance like an extra car space in their garage - big deal during winter of course! So. Come visit me? You can stay in the guest Princess room.
Sunday, January 25th I received a phone call from very good friend.
February 2nd, 8 days later, said friend and I embarked on a very long road trip together.
Minneapolis, MN; Omaha, NE; Denver, CO; Durango, CO; Grand Canyon, AZ; Las Vegas, NV; Los Angeles, CA.
Upon return to the cheese state, I accepted a new job at a juvenile correctional facility in a therapeutic unit for adolescent girls who've been commercially sex trafficked. Definitely new. Definitely still learning.
And in just a few weeks, I'll be visiting Seattle, WA for the very first time. Unintentionally over my birthday, so that will be fun.
Notice a theme at all? Okay, I'll give it to ya. OUT. WEST.
I like to tell people that tease about all my travels and seemingly foolish, sometimes envied journeys that I've just seen too much. And truly, I've had some incredible opportunities. Through them though, I've seen too much. Too much to, well... stop. It's forever in my DNA. With that said, a bit of my heart has been left in each community I've learned to love and learn from, and there's a special drive in me to return out West. The Pacific NorthWest, to be exact. And the rest... unknown. The details are just hypothetical at best. But the dream is real.
Most naturally futuristic, I'm learning to embrace my dreams, yet thrive and find peace and home where I'm at. Being present is quite the concept, huh?
So, yeah. First update in a w h i l e. That's pretty much it. Not easy, but good. Good.
Sincerely.
Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, Utah. Summer job-life.
Colorado, Nebraska, South Dakota, Minnesota. Post-summer travel.
August 10th came around and so did my first steps back onto Wisconsin land, in months. Much land and many days had occurred since the last time I had realistically and semi-literally (is that a thing?) embraced my geographical roots.
Full swing became my thing almost instantaneously; work, sleep, eat, and repeat. I honestly thought that since I grew up in the area, I knew all of what it had to offer (narrow-minded perhaps?), and allowed some pretty real cynicism to dwell because of it. Hopelessness often reveals the belief of a lie somewhere in the picture, so I began to just ask the Lord about it, and invite Him into my new-esque process of readjusting to oh too familiar Midwest life.
Ever heard of Jason Upton? Not random, I promise.
He's a pretty well known worship leader who travels internationally and talks about God's presence being real, etc. Anyways, Jesus loves Instagram. Just follow, just follow. Me. On Instagram. Just kidding - this post, follow along, folks. I was perusing the all-to-time-consuming social media photo app and came across a shot from a weekend in Redding, CA (my former stomping ground) that had Jason tagged in it. I thought, "Man, that name rings a bell... Wait!" Memories came of my high school years where I would listen to ONE of his songs; I only knew one, but it was enough to ring a bell. Sparing the nitty gritty details, I came to learn about the Upton family's residence in my backyard (figuratively speaking, of course), and in the least-shocking way to those who personally know me, did not hesitate one bit to reach out to perfect strangers. For the past almost 5 months now, they've become like a second family; extending love and support and an invitation to embrace authentic community. This has looked like an emerging "church" gathering in the greater Milwaukee area, with several of their friends who've moved to the area from all over the country, because of a simple vision of Jesus in the city and a desire to partner with what He's already doing. In stepping out and connecting with a perfect stranger, my hearts cry was responded to with utter extravagance and still is abundantly more than I had even thought was possible! Sounds about right.
Around that same time I met up with an old mentor of mine, which led to a phone call to a couple and a basic inquiry to rent some living space from them. Having spent 29 years living and working in Saudi Arabia for the oil industry, and now "grandparent-aged," they've had a home to themselves for years. I called and asked about renting their basement space, and their response was "No, we actually don't rent anything around here, but you're more than welcome to come live with us. Just let us know how long you're thinking, though it makes no difference to us!" What. Can this be real life? So, yep, free housing. Thank you, Daddy! Better than I could have imagined! And little things in abundance like an extra car space in their garage - big deal during winter of course! So. Come visit me? You can stay in the guest Princess room.
Sunday, January 25th I received a phone call from very good friend.
February 2nd, 8 days later, said friend and I embarked on a very long road trip together.
Minneapolis, MN; Omaha, NE; Denver, CO; Durango, CO; Grand Canyon, AZ; Las Vegas, NV; Los Angeles, CA.
Upon return to the cheese state, I accepted a new job at a juvenile correctional facility in a therapeutic unit for adolescent girls who've been commercially sex trafficked. Definitely new. Definitely still learning.
And in just a few weeks, I'll be visiting Seattle, WA for the very first time. Unintentionally over my birthday, so that will be fun.
Notice a theme at all? Okay, I'll give it to ya. OUT. WEST.
I like to tell people that tease about all my travels and seemingly foolish, sometimes envied journeys that I've just seen too much. And truly, I've had some incredible opportunities. Through them though, I've seen too much. Too much to, well... stop. It's forever in my DNA. With that said, a bit of my heart has been left in each community I've learned to love and learn from, and there's a special drive in me to return out West. The Pacific NorthWest, to be exact. And the rest... unknown. The details are just hypothetical at best. But the dream is real.
Most naturally futuristic, I'm learning to embrace my dreams, yet thrive and find peace and home where I'm at. Being present is quite the concept, huh?
So, yeah. First update in a w h i l e. That's pretty much it. Not easy, but good. Good.
Sincerely.
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